Bad Movie Beatdown/Funny

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• From his Street Fighter the Legend of Chun Li review:

"When she gets home, she visits her mum! Who is covered in pasty makeup. Oh wait, she's dying. ... Well that kind of sucks."

• • "OH NO! HE'S MILDLY GRIPPED ME BY THE ARM!"
  • This exchange:

Chun-Li: I've never been so close. Film Brain: And yet so far? Chun-Li: And so far away Film Brain: F*ck me this is trite.

• Darkness Falls: "My director gives me a cookie whenever I say my lines creepily!" *Noms a cookie* And later...

Boy: We're all going to die... Film Brain: COOKIE! * Nom*

• In his review of Meteor, where he points out the Informed Wrongness of the film's Strawman.

General Adlon: "I consider allowing the Russians to come into this center to be a grave error." Film Brain: "He has actually got a point there considering this is the Cold War, but hey, that might get in the way of the message, so he's actually an intolerant bigot for saying that. INTOLERANT! INTOLERANT!"

• In his Ratatoing review:
  • It starts with Professor Celluloid after a successful Hostile Show Takeover. He then tries to review Die Hard. About a minute in, Celluloid gets punched from offscreen, and then it smash cuts to Film Brain starting his intro as normal while nursing his sore hand.

"And this carries on, and on, and on, and on, and on, apply directly to the forehead, and on, and on..."

• • His Heroic BSOD after a long bit culminating in "The button is a switch!"
  • After a particularly horrendous bit of animation:

Film Brain: "That. Was. Crap."

• • "INNUENDO!" *The caption reading: OMGWTFSEXLOL!!11!!*
• Plenty of these in his review of The Ugly Truth

Gerard Butler: You want to thank your pussy for me there? Film Brain: Boy, he's just like a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.

• • The dictionary bit after a scene with Katherine Heigl's vibrating panties activating in a restaurant.
  • "I'm ashamed of having a penis now. I hope you're happy."
• From Men in Black II:

Film Brain: The King of Pop isn't dead, that's just his cover. Sock: VERY VERY WRONG!

• His review of Stallone's Cobra has Phelous-esque cartoon noises for the cars leaping up from speed bumps, over and over...
• From his review of Driven:

"Originally intended as a biopic of the late Ayrton Senna, it evolved into a racing movie set in Formula One. One problem: the Formula One bosses took one look at the script and told Stallone to get stuffed."

• • "So the film starts in Long Beach, no it starts in Miami, no it's in Mexico, HOLY CRAP WHERE ARE WE?"
  • When Stallone easily head-dodges a manhole cover "Mmmm, fake."
  • After an especially stupid moment:

"HELLO!? CONTINUITY!? GOD, THIS MOVIE IS MADE BY F*CKING RETARDS!!

• From Paul Blart: Mall Cop "HUMOR MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT?"
• From D-War, after a character runs from a giant snake (the Big Bad), and then runs back out after encountering The Dragon (who, in spite of the trope and the movie, is not a dragon):

"No, go back into the house, not around the corner. See now there's the evil dude! No don't run towards the giant serpent you fool! Oh, see? You're dead now. You're dead because you're stupid. You're stupid and you're dead!"

• • His "impersonation" of the little boy in the flashback

(falsetto) "Umm, Sir, I hate to say this but YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR F***ING MIND! COME BACK DADDY COME BACK!!!"

• From the review of Bride Wars:
  • Welshy's cameos, including him dancing to the original Oompa-Loompa song.
• The review of Epic Movie. When a part in the Narnia 'Cribs' parody skips itself repeatedly, he comments:

"And it seems the audience has just paid for a low-grade Youtube Poop on the big screen!"

• • Which at that point starts to repeat him saying 'Screen!' over and over until it becomes "ScrScrScrScr!", interlaced with King Harkinian from The Legend of Zelda CDI Games saying "Dinner!"
    • O_O
  • At one point, he gets sick of how childish the movie is and states "I'm too old for this shit."
  • "She can't read! LAUGH!!"
  • (Seeing random nudity) "I'm guessing that wasn't in the PG-13 version" and eventually wrapping that bit with "And by the way, porn can be found on the internet!"
  • Pointing out that the film just seems to end up taking jokes and things from other films, and when he sees a joke 'taken' from Borat -

Film Brain: THAT'S THE SAME JOKE! With ONE word changed! The same joke! This isn't parody or plagiarism, this is downright THEFT!

• • "Look guys, there's a difference between parody and plagiarism! THEY'RE NOT THE SAME THING!"
• This gem from Evan Almighty "Quick! Steve Carell is going to do another Jim Carrey sequel, The Number 614! Four sixes, minus one six *gasp* that's 666! Sign of the devil!
• From his Transmorphers review:

Film Brain: ...I mean it's not like there's a sequel to it or any- -*Boxart for Transmorphers: The Fall of Man is shown. Film Brain: F*ck...

• • Or the bit shortly afterwards, when the opening Info Dump says that humanity found alien life in 2009. It being 2009, Professor Celluloid appears and announces that he's done just that. Cue dramatic music and a shot of space as... the That Guy With The Glasses logo comes into view. It then goes to telescope view and shows Linkara waving.
  • At one point, one of the robots threatens him for insulting its laughably bad special effects.
  • "Damn. I burnt the damn muffins."
  • The "Err" counter.

Film Brain: Err, I think, err, he might be, err, making up his lines as he, ehhh-fing goes along.

• • This exchange:

Character: It rains up there 24/7. Film Brain: Welcome to England! :D

• The Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus review.
  • Once the two giant monsters finally encounter each other, the characters can't tell what they're doing.

'Film Brain: "From the look of it, they're either f***ing each other up or just f***ing each other."

• • From the same review, Film Brain's growing anger every time the movie inexplicably went to an establishing shot without changing location.
  • "...So Mr. Sulu needs to go back to the 22nd century- I mean, Tokyo. Which if you think about it is the same thing."
  • After a character says "Madness", Film Brain gives the obligatory "THIS! IS! SPARTA!", then smiles and says, "Couldn't resist."
• Hudson Hawk has multiple:
  • Him envisioning what the writing process for a particularly choppy scene:

Writer: Eddie and Tony jump of the roof and then..... hmmm, now how do I end that scene. Oh I got it! They land in the next scene! I am a genius.

• • "This couple from hell are the Mayflowers, Darwin and Menova, played by Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernhard, whose grotesque performances may have set acting back a couple of decades."
  • And because random equals funny to filmmakers Fred explodes.
  • This:

Mario Brother: Subtlety's not one of our strong points. Film Brain: No kidding.

• • Film Brain demonstrates mugging: By flailing about with a Slasher Smile on his face and shouting "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I DID ALL MY REVIEWS LIKE THIS? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!"
  • "You see Darwin has his sights set on world domination. That is if there's any world left after Richard E.Grant's monstrous scenery chomping."
  • The CSI: Miami reference when Eddie and KitKat (David Caruso) take off their glasses.
  • "These scenes may have worked if Bruce Willis and Andie MacDowell had any chemistry. Or Jokes. Or anything remotely entertaining."
  • And This:

Butterfinger: Do you want me to rape em? Film Brain: Wow, that was spectacularly unfunny. Go home and think about what you did.

• • "With all the rewrites I'm sure the fact that this makes no sense was completely unintentional."
  • Playing "Never Gonna Give You Up" as two people he refers two as "The Rick Astleys" get shot in the head.
  • "Why are we saying words twice twice? It's not funny funny!"
  • This exchange:

Darwin: I'll torture you so slowly you'll think it's a career. Film Brain: I expect the people making the films sympathize.

• • "Oh I'm sorry did I say paralyzation darts? I meant idiotic grinning darts."
  • "I'm not even angry. I just pity them"
  • "You really suck at this comedy thing, don't you, Andie MacDowell?"
  • "Darwin responds by humping the air and making a speech hammier than a delicatessen."
  • The entire opening with him and Spoony taking shots at each other.
  • "Yikes! Even the Tri Star horse has turned on Bruce!"
  • This exchange:

Darwin:"What can I say? I'm the villain." Film Brain:"No shit."

• From the Mega Piranha review:

Film Brain: I'm a stereotype! I blow everything up!

• • When Paul explains the situation to his boss.

Jason: "It wasn't an explosion," *scoffing* "and it wasn't terrorists." *dead serious* "It was giant piranha." Film Brain: "Sir, those theories were ludicrous. Of course they were killed by giant mutated killer fish!" *Beat* "Stop laughing!"

• • Brain laughing at the giant piranha crashing into a random building.
  • The video game sequence involving Jason kicking the piranhas for one ups. Oddly enough, there's no comparison to Guile from Street Fighter.
• The end of his review of Equilibrium where he summarizes the film in the style of Bum Reviews.
  • PUPPIES! ♥ ♥ ♥
• From On Deadly Ground:
  • "Not my manly balls! Heeeeeee...."
  • After Forrest sets a bunch of traps in the woods for the mercenaries after him:

Film Brain: And then we get to see what would happen if Steven Seagal played Pierce Brosnan's role in Seraphim Falls. *montage of all the bad guys falling into traps and dying in ridiculous ways* Film Brain: ...a much shorter movie.

• • "Besides, do we really need to picture Seagal in a bikin- OH GOD! It hurts! It hurts!"
  • The Stinger.

Forrest: Are you a man? Linkara: I AM A MAN! *PUNCH*

• • When the Eskimo dressed as a raven starts cawing (no, I'm not making this up), the look on Film Brain's face is priceless. And it gets even better when he asks if someone spiked his tea.
• From 10,000 B.C.:
  • Playing The Flintstones theme song during the end credits of the review was a stroke of genius.
  • His numerous hilarious fits of rage over the plentiful history fail and geography fail. Especially the fact that they trekked all the way from Russia to the pyramids and it's supposed to be set thousands of years before there were ANY pyramids in Egypt.
  • Using the death tune from Super Mario Bros. (twice!) for the deaths of two characters was hysterical.
  • "What next, nuclear weapons? Well, that might actually make the film entertaining."
• His rebuttal to a scene in The Adventures of Pluto Nash in which a speaker is heard playing from an oncoming car:

(leans directly into camera) THERE IS NO SOUND IN SPACE!

• • This echoes, zooming out progressively and progressively further, until we get a full picture of Earth, at which point the audio goes completely mute.

See? No sound.

• • At one point, he goes on an EPIC QUEST to try to understand a stupid joke about Salt Lake City. After his computer freezes up, he runs halfway across town, threatens someone into letting him use their computer, looks the city up on Wikipedia, laughs... then says the joke wasn't funny and it wasn't worth it. All accompanied by the Indiana Jones theme.
  • The scene where he rummages through a briefcase:

Let's see...Vincent Vega's soul...a copy of Coming to America...undies...hat...haha! And (something grabs his hand) AAH!! AAH!! AAH!!

• Pretty much any of his fanboying before backtracking over how awesome Ryan Reynolds is in Wolverine.
  • Also, his reaction to Wolverine blocking an eyebeam-blast from Dudepeel with his claws.

Allow me to demonstrate what is wrong with this using a fork. *pulls one out and points at the tines* You see what the problem might be?

• From the review of Final Destination 3, after fluid starts leaking from the mechanism keeping the safety restraints in place on a rollercoaster:

Pssst! *leans in close* Rollercoasters don't work that way. They use air.

• Hollywood Homicide: "I think the sight of Harrison Ford chowing down on a donut mid-coitus has put me off sex for life."
• His impression of Laurence Olivier's ridiculous overacting in The Jazz Singer, wherein he runs around the house flailing his arms and moaning until Professor Celluloid slaps him.
• When Christmas with the Kranks starts giving him flashbacks to Jingle All the Way, he narrates over the scene in an Ahnold voice.
• The beginning of the Mission Impossible 2 review. Particularly Doug Walker in a Bad Boss persona greeting him as, "Heeeey, Equilibrium douchebag!"
• When there's a random sex scene in Live Wire, he first wonders if he accidentally changed the TV to a porno channel. Then he gets out binoculars.
• A shocking revelation in Ultraviolet is followed by the Eastenders riff. Perfect fit.
  • Another perfect fit: Brain putting a bowling ball through pins sound effect when Violet ploughs through a group of henchmen with her car.
• From Moon 44

Film Brain: Look out! Johnny 5 is attacking!

• Ironclad: "The battle scenes are so fierce that I think I grew an extra set of testicles!"
• From The Unborn "Look out, it's Jumby! Stop laughing, he's coming!"
  • When a male lead tells the lead's friend "you're retarded!" FB responds "Apparently David S. Goyer went to the Eli Roth school of writing"
  • Sofi's final note contains...

Sofi: It has fallen upon you to finish what began in Auschwitz. FB: WOOOW! It's a good thing there isn't a 20 year old on the internet to take that line horribly out of context. Did you not realize how that sounded?

• • Film Brain lampshading how unsubtle the film is.

Film Brain: SYMBOLISM!!! [Less than a minute later] Film Brain: SYMBOLISM!!! [Less than a minute later] Film Brain: SYMBOLIS-- I'm already overdoing it.

• From Fat Slags after witnessing the Fat Slags having sex with the waiters- "That's it, I'm asexual."
  • Upon seeing that the film begins "on Shit Street"

Film Brain: *sigh* "Yes, yes we are."

• • Responding to the title cards like so in Mega Piranha...

Film Brain Movie Critic (Closet Masochist)

• • "Oh my god, there's so much stupid in the same place! I can feel my sanity starting to crack."
    • "I HEARD THE CRACK! THERE IT GOES!" What quickly follows is a moment of screaming bloody murder into his pillow.
  • Upon seeing the Fat Slags' boyfriends in Afghanistan bonking the local women: "I'd tell them to get f*cked, but they already are."
  • His reaction to the exploding dog scene:

Film Brain: WHAT? I don't...I just....(sighs) I hate this job sometimes....

• • "Holy shit! She just killed Ratatoing!"
• From Pentathalon

Tagline: Dolph Lundgren at the Olympics! He may have to settle for the bronze.

• From Grown Ups

FB: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel sorry for Rob Schnieder. (spits)

• Two Fast Two Furious: His constant comments on the ludicrous amount of Ho Yay between two of the main characters.
  • "2 Fast 2 Furious is the most unintentionally homoerotic film since Top Gun"
  • "You're like an old married couple! Now kiss and make-up!"

Bryan: Well I've got something for your ass. Film Brain: Well I bet you do. Bryan: Now put your blouse back on.

• • • Film Brain: Do I even have to write jokes about this? The film makes it so easy!
  • "If we fill the film with enough of these shots(of scanticaly clad women) maybe people will ignore the macho subtext.
  • After finding out one of the actors from 7 Pounds is in the movie: "Dammit! That movie will haunt me forever!"
  • "We're not even out of the opening credits yet and already this is stupid. This must be a new record.
  • "The other troubling character in this race is Suki - who's supposedley a tough girl, which is why she drives around in a bright, Barbie pink car and spends most of the race in dead last."
    • "Lady, you can growl all you want but at the end of the day, you're still shit"
  • INNUENDO!
  • Pointless CGI is Kewl
• From his review of Fast 5

Mathew: I literally had to bribe someone to go see this film! Jon: I made twenty pounds! And it wasn't worth a single penny. Mathew: What he said.

• The video of Mathew, Braedon, and Chris trying Mountain Dew (and apparently the only flavor that exists in the UK).
  • The bottles have a luminous glow, so they have a lightsaber battle.
  • "You know its good when it warns you to drink it in moderation."
  • Then they pour it into a cup to see what color it is.

Mathew: It's got a very yellow color like...piss. Braedon: It would be funny if I came out of the bathroom and was like, here you go! Mathew: Yes, thank you for the very carbonated piss you've got there. Braedon: I jumped up and down a lot.

• • Chris trying to decide what Mountain Dew tastes like.

Chris: Mountain Dew tastes like Mountain Dew and I have no idea what Mountain Dew tasted like before I tasted Mountain Dew... Mathew: But did you like it? Chris: I don't know! It tastes like sugar with a bit of something that I can't pinpoint. It says it's citrus but I don't really know what it tastes like. It tastes like...it tastes like what I imagined carpets tasted like before I actually tried to eat the carpet. Mathew: It wasn't that bad! Chris: No when I was little I would look at the carpet and go "Mmm, that looks tasty"! Until the day I actually tried to eat it... Braedon: Did the carpet taste the same as the drapes?

• From his review of Two Thousand Twelve:
  • Just as Woody Harrelson's character dies: "This one's for Money Train!"
  • Early on in the second half, we get a bit of description of the 2012 disaster hitting Tokyo. This is cut off by Mathew on his sofa, explaining he cut out a joke because of events that took place not long after the intended release. His solemn tone conveys just how dead serious he is as he explains the scene in detail, why he was originally going to joke about it, and that he meant not to make light of recent events as much as he did the film. Right after this, he plays the scene where the Vatican collapses. The sound of bowling pins is heard right as the ruins crush the crowd.
• Sunday School Musical: Mathew calling Todd in the Shadows "Hoodie Scum" upon meeting him for the first time and offering Todd his wallet in exchange for not getting stabbed.
  • When Todd eventually gets Mathew to calm down, Todd mentions reviewing Crossroads. Not only does Mathew mention two other works with the same title, but when Todd finally just tells him it's the Britney Spears movie, Mathew just deadpans "We're not going to review that".
    • And then one of the eponymous Sunday schools turns out to be actually named Crossroads, leading to an additional plea from Todd.
  • A character's father explains a prayer her mother would say, "Lord, let this bubble take away my trouble." Smash cut to Mathew and Todd fake-puking.
  • The montage of Todd trying to get people to review with him, especially Obscurus Lupa.
  • Brain asks Todd how he got in his room when the door was locked. Todd deadpans "I move in the space between spaces" and they leave it at that.
    • Becomes a lot funnier after viewing Suburban Knights when The Cinema Snob says a brainwashed Film Brain is trapped in the space between spaces.
• In the Hercules in New York review with Obscurus Lupa, their reaction to a really fake bear suit, and "The Hercules & Pretzie Fun Hour".
  • The cameo by Todd in the Shadows. He had to show up as Lupa was in it!
• Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: Film Brain remarks that as a child of the nineties, he missed the initial Transformers craze by a few years & can only judge the Michael Bay films on their own merits, before acknowledging he knows people who feel differently. Cut to Spoony.

Spoony: FUCK YOU! *punches a DVD copy of the original film*

• • "With each sex and groin joke, Bay brings society closer to the days of Ow, My Balls!."
  • "Careful there guys, I think that might also be the home of the Holy Grail."
  • Brain getting excited that one of the twins is going to get eaten...only to be disappointed that it was a subversion.
  • Brain's reaction to Deverstator's infamous Brass Balls. Complete with a cameo from Spoony mocking him.

Spoony: Ah, yes that's it. Choke on that 3.5 out of 5.

• • "Sam, what have I told you about machine gun fire in the house?!"
• From Out Of Reach:
  • "So yeah, Seagal Month got very awkward very quick, it seems."
  • The charades segment.
  • The closing cameo by Brad Jones' voice. Film Brain's reaction only makes it funnier.
  • His reaction at the end of the film when we see a still shot of Seagal smiling. It really isn't a natural expression on the guy.
  • "Yes, it's all part of my cunning scheme of killing Seagal! [beat] Somehow!"
  • "He sneaks into the henchman's room using the brothel's secret passageways...just go with it..."
  • "I think the wall is dead, sir."
• From Mercenary For Justice:
  • "He's Seagal's friend, he's black, and he's in a war. Oh he is so dead!"
    • And when he does "His life expectancy was in negative numbers!"
  • One hell of a visual pun about eight minutes in.
  • His growing confusion over the incomprehensible plot.
  • Another title card joke:

Mathew Buck (Nerd)

• • After Seagal's edited escape from the back seat of a car:

Film Brain: Really?! We're not going to buy that this guy is lightening fast when he's twice the man he used to be! He looks two steps away from a heart attack! Selma: It's like he disappeared to fat air. [Patty and Selma laugh]

• • "Ugh, how am I going to write about this?"
  • The closing cameo from Benzaie's voice.
• Shadow Man:
  • Film Brain tuning his throat like a radio reciever.
  • "Sex with Seagal is like playing a game of Whose Boob Is Which?"
  • "He's a real action star!"
  • "AAGH! Not again! YIKES!"
  • "So the film opens in a lab where Scientists are working on a secret, deadly weapon. Which alarms THIS MAN." *cuts back to Film Brain* DERP *Film Brain hits head against wall*
• Against the Dark:
  • His reaction to the psychotic scientist that looks like Tommy Wiseau.
  • Any time he mocks the characters making typical Too Dumb to Live decisions.
  • "Stay away from the light, Dylan! There's too much symbolism!"
• From Half Past Dead:
  • "NOOOOO! Not the fat guy, he was my favorite! He had a big-ass gun!"
  • Going "WEEE!" as Seagal and a terrorist are swinging on cables.
  • His glee at the prospect of Seagal actually dying... only to realize that this is why the movie was called "Half Past Dead."

Film Brain: Even saying that is painful.

• • When the first Body Double Count appears:

Film Brain: Well, all right, that's something that would actually need a stunt double. As opposed to WALKING.

• • "The editing in the PG-13 version is really fu[silence]ng obvious."
• From Half Past Dead 2:
  • Any time Film Brain makes a reference to Bill Goldberg's wrestling career.
  • This bit, after some bad dubbing:

Film Brain: I'm a furious ventriloquist!

• • After a scene in which Twitch won't shut up:

Film Brain: Oh, this is going to be a long ninety minutes, isn't it?

• • After a gratuitous Precision F-Strike:

Caption: This sequel is rated R. Go figure.

• When challenging Spoony for the live action Tekken movie, he inserts a coin into the screen.
• His livestream reaction to the Youtube video of the woman with the world's largest breasts. He had to log off temporarily
  • Similarly on the stream, his reactions to Diamanda Hagan reading aloud from a book on the history of castration. A quick look at some of them.
• From Spy Kids 3D
  • After receiving Professor Celluloid's glasses (which he claims are 3D).

"Wow, I look like an idiot."

• • On a related note, Celluloid already sees in 3D.
  • Later on he dumps those glasses and grabs a pair of cool-looking 3D glasses.

Film Brain: "If I'm going to look like a prat, I might as well look like a cool prat." Caption: Deal with It

• • Matthew's reaction to Floop telling the kids to spend $35 on concessions if they feel eye-strain.

Film Brain: "That's it, kids! Spend money on overpriced sugar-packed shit! Or better yet, go outside AND WATCH ANOTHER MOVIE!!! :D"

• • The "Gratuitous 3D Counter" reaching 18 in ONE scene before exploding.
  • A clip of Basil Brush laughing is played after an Incredibly Lame Pun.
  • "STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT!"
• From Gamer
  • Why does Film Brain have the poster of the movie on his wall? " Well, after all the negative comments about the Transformers poster, I put it up there just to dick with you."
  • "That's right folks, Castle has turned into a complete Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain who wants to take over the world." *cut to Lo Pan saying "Indeed"* "Unlike this Movie, I don't like to be cliche.*
• From Good Luck Chuck
  • His dramatic reenactment of the sex scenes while the audio of the movie plays.
  • "I got the results of the test back!"
• From Ghost Rider
  • His constant complaints of the film's slow pacing.
  • The "in-jokes" to Peter Fonda's role in Easy Rider.
  • Laughing when Blackheart becomes Legion, then clearing his throat and laughing even harder when he realizes it's supposed to be scary.
  • "*coughs* Oh man! I wonder what's causing all that coughing! Pass me those smokes!"
  • The 5 Nic Cage levels: 1 (Kinda Weird), 2 (Bit of an Oddball), 3 (Bloomin' Mental!), 4 (BATSHIT INSANE!!!), 5 (NOT THE BEES!!!!!)
    • "Cage has three modes: eccentric, batshit crazy, and Disney. And I only wish he was batshit crazy in this one."
  • His increasing disbelief when none of the Hidden use their elemental abilities to fight Ghost Rider, especially when he easily defeats Water despite being as a severe disadvantage.
    • "So, fire beats water underwater? That's like in 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' having paper beat scissors!"
• From When in Rome
  • His entire commentary on the Vase scene: "Holy Shit! Is that vase made out of adamantium?"
    • "Luckily for Josh Dumael the prop department changed the vase's for one made out of earth materials."
    • "She's not so much beating a Vase as a dead horse."
    • "It's also appropriate because it's blindingly clear to everyone this marriage is just going to last roughly 15 minutes."
  • "Johnson is uncredited for his part, incidentally, which means he made the wisest career move of his life."
  • His comparing Beth's best friend to an ostrich: "And now I've said it you all won't be able to stop seeing it either"
  • His expression when he finds out Beth's sister is getting married to a guy after two weeks.
• From Van Helsing
  • INCOMING PLOT TWIST ALERT!!!
  • OBVIOUS LOVE INTEREST ALERT!!!
  • Look! A CGI Effect! *Dramatic zoom in on kitty* *Dramatic zoom in on FB screaming*
• From Bear
  • I don't think the director was trying to reference Manos here.
  • A bear approaches the car, not acting particularly threatening...and then "Prick" whips out a handgun and blasts the crap out of it.

Film Brain: "JESUS CHRIST, dude!"

• • The bear knows! THE BEAR KNOWS!
  • "Congratulations, Prick! You've just pissed off Yogi Bear, who's come for Boo-Boo, and now he thinks you're a threat!"
  • Film Brain's particular theory for how the bear knows that Bland is pregnant.
• Another one of his live streams took place in the same house as several of his friends, who (to his dismay) where watching the stream in the next room and, somehow, getting a laugh out of the five second delay between him saying things in real life and saying them on the stream. Eventually they decided to crash into his room with nerf guns and mooning. As many people put it, "It's like a bad live action fanfic".
• From The Happening:
  • A shot of Matthew running in a field: "RUN AWAY FROM THE WIND!!!"
  • The ominous clouds are only ominous because of the string music - as Brain demonstrates by switching the music to the theme from The Magic Roundabout.
  • The film's mention of Colony Collapse Disorder for Ripped from the Headlines points fails to connect with Mark Walberg's characters' students:

Film Brain: Why don't any of you care about the bees? Nicholas over here is really passionate about it! Nicholas Cage: [in the The Wicker Man remake] NOT THE BEES! AUGGHH!

• • When the review is almost done, he starts a counter of how many times the word "happening" is being said, and even includes all the times it's been previously said.
  • At the very end of the review, Matthew walks up to a tree and says, "SCREW YOU TREE", while dramatic music plays.
  • "I've seen military men say plenty of things under stress. 'Cheese and crackers' is not one of them."
• He becomes so desensitized by the endless brutality in Reckoning Day that he starts eating a sandwich while waiting for the more violent scenes to play through.
• From his review of Little Fockers, we get...
  • "RUN AWAY!"
  • Making fun of the poorly-edited Dustin Hoffman scenes.

I'll just stand back here until they need more for more reshoots!

• When the bum (secretly an immortal Charles Dickens appears in The Riddle, his first line is overdubbed with "Change! Ya got change?!
• From the Sucker Punch review:
  • Linkara bursting into the hotel room thinking it was "Miller Time", due to Brain's brief chant of "virgins and whores".
    • Given that Bennett has trapped them in the room, they briefly wonder how Linkara managed to do that. Then they go back to the review.
  • Film Brain demands that Jesu prove that the room is hers. Cue a sleeping Nash rolling over and trying to spoon with him. And somehow, Film Brain managed to get into the bed without noticing that anyone else was there.
  • Poké-Nash!

Jesu: Nash! I choose you! Nash appears with a :D face* Jesu: Use Dynamic Punch! Nash: Nash Smash! Is subsequently vaporized by Bennett*

• • Shortly after...

Bennett: Your Dynamicpunch wasn't very effective, but let's see how you handle my...Sucker Punch. Film Brain: My god! ...that was a GHASTLY pun! Jesu: *Simply stares at Film Brain before giving him a Dope Slap*

• • Speaking of puns:

FB: (after Jesu gave him royalty money for "FEMINISM!" in US money) I only accept real United Kingdom currency. Not that silly, floppy cloth money. Silly American. Jesu: Alright, in that case here's a pound! (delivers an uppercut)

• • SYMBOLISM!!!11!!OMGWTFGENIUS!! being replaced with FEMINISM!!!11!!OMGWTFGENIUS!!
    • And it gets to the point where the two of them just mumble it because they've used it so much.

FB and JO: Femminismuh... Caption: femisughgouabuuuh

• • Film Brain's fearful assertion that they shouldn't use it too much.
  • The nonsensical nature of the film's Recursive Reality:

[JO and Film Brain strike dramatic poses] JO: We need to go derper. [Camera zooms in on the wallpaper between them.]

• • JO keeps her promise to beat Film Brain with the coffee maker. (Which happens entirely in voiceover.)
  • The Stinger, which follows Film Brain and Jesu Otaku abusing the power of Feminism to defeat Bennett and Film Brain turning into a woman.

Film Brain: I have some lovely boobs. Would you like to go pawn shopping?

• • Where did Nash go after Bennett zapped him? The Ice King's lair.
  • Film Brain commenting on the dream sequences:

Well, y'see, I couldn't decide on what movie I wanted to make, so I just made ALL OF THEM.

• From the crossover review of Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son with The Rap Critic:
  • Film Brain trying to impress the Rap Critic with gangsta talk.
  • When the Rap Critic says he has not seen the previous films, because he has better things to do:

Rap Critic: This drying paint is awesome. Film Brain: He's luckier than I am. Rap Critic: [looks closely at wall] I don't even think this is paint.

• • Todd's cameo, especially when the Rap Critic dives out of frame.
  • FB notes that the film is a ripoff of Glee:

Rap Critic: Why didn't you show this to Todd in the Shadows, then? Film Brain: Ah, but I want to inflict Alvinandthe Chipmunks: The Squeakquel on him someday! Rap Critic: That poor fool...

• • The Rap Critic's response to Trent's constant use of "Damn!" whenever he sees a hot girl:

Rap Critic: Damn! Damn! Damn! I swear, the stereotypical black guy from Not Another Teen Movie had more variation than this!

• • "Synthetic. Vagina."
  • At the end, when Big Momma starts rapping:

Film Brain: That's it. Rap is dead. Rap Critic: I would just like to personally apologize for letting anyone know that this happened.

• During the Universal Soldier: the Return review, Dr. Insano shows up with a shot glass full of what he claims is a Jean Claude Van Damme sperm sample, which he'll use to clone an army of Van Dammes that will fight his army of Bruce Lees solely for his own amusement.
  • Then, at the end of the review, he takes the shot. "Ick. Salty."
• From The Tooth Fairy
  • The montage song.
  • All the jokes about Dwayne Johnson's sinking film career.
• From his crossover review with Lupa on Metal Man, a hilariously poor mockbuster of Iron Man:
  • All the jokes about the main character's situation and how it seems to keep getting worse with every new development, as well as the Alternate Character Interpretation of Dr. Blake.
    • To elaborate: the main character is forever trapped against his will in a metal suit without knowing beforehand it's impossible to remove, and must constantly listen to the AI Dr. Blake. Later on, his parents are murdered, he must forever subsist on a foul-tasting liquid (which will eventually run out, as Film Brain points out), having the suit damaged makes him prone to heart attacks and strokes and the AI Dr. Blake can view his dreams.

Film Brain: Hate to break it to you Doctor, but wearing a mechanical suit doesn't make you another species. And that certainly doesn't explain why you've condemned one of your students to wearing it for the rest of his life. You've successfully taken away his family, his girlfriend and his ability to take a piss forever. That doesn't make you a hero, that makes you a dick!

• • The reviewers pointing out the film's high Special Effect Failure (especially considering it was made by a special effects expert), such as the screwed-up invisibility effect that causes the background to double up.

Film Brain: I think calling this "Metal Man" is probably pushing it. But let's face it, "Plastic and Rubber Man" wouldn't shift the DV Ds off the shelves.

• • The completely random part of the climax in which Metal Man deflects a missile, sending it skyward and hitting a plane.
• From the crossover with Oancitizen in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen:
  • Film Brain reveals that his coat is dimensionally transcendental, due to the number of DV Ds he owns.
  • "The Ralph thing stopped being funny months ago."
  • Elisa suddenly popping up when the film makes a Phantom of the Opera joke.
  • Parodying Quatermain's death scene.

Oancitizen: You're... the man... now... dog. Film Brain: NOOOOOOOOOO!