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  • First episode: "Son of a bitch stole me gun!" always gets me.
  • NIGGA BLIND PEOPLE CAN'T READ! YA KNOW WHAT BLIND MEANS?! IT MEANS YO' EYES DON'T WORK! WHAT ARE YA, DEAF?!
  • "Hey, kid, thanks for dealing a fair game." "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"
  • "F* ck you tables, f* ck you plates- ooh, I'll take these knives."
    • "Activating Sh* tstorm in Three... Two... Ooooon-NOW!"
  • "Is Dio Brando going to have to choke a bitch? [...] Because I, Dio, seriously believe that I, Dio, have not done enough bitch-choking since I've been here."
    • "It's funny because there are bitches in the way that need to move."
  • "Hey kids, you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Comment special!!!" "Massive orgy- comment special. Yeah. That's... That's what I meant."

 Dio: Hey, look over there. It's Tuesday.

Jotaro: FAJITAAAS!!!

      • "...Boneraff. ...Boneraff. Bon. Er. Aff. ...Boneraff. ...Boneraff."
      • When Dio swears in anger at Jotaro pointing out that having friends on Facebook doesn't actually count a having friends:

 Jotaro: DIO! Don't you know that swearing on the internet is a serious offense punishable by ban?!

Dio: Don't you know that sucking my dick is a serious offense punishable by FUCK YOU?!

Jotaro: You....actually saw the Drawn Together movie?

Dio: Hey, you're talking to the guy who set a dog on fire when he was 12. *Flashes back to Danny the dog bursting from a furnace on fire*

Jonathan in flashback: DANNY! You son of a biiiiiiiitch!

      • This exchange at the end:

 Dio: Well, the sun's coming out, and I'm afraid I must make my departure.

Jotaro: Yeah, you better. Don't want you to sparkle to death.

Dio: FUCK YOUR FACE!

  • "Alright Paul!" "You know it man!"
  • JOTARO IS THE BUILDING!
  • When Polnareff tells the gang they'll go to hell when he kills them.

 Joseph: Ha! Joke's on you asshole. Abdul's Muslim, so when he dies he goes to Mcdonalds. Face!

    • And as of the eighth episode, it's confirmed!

 Abdul: (At King Yemma's place) Ahhhhhhhh!!! I f** king hate white people!!!

 Joseph: "HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST HOW THE FUCK DO I FLY THIS THING?! WHAT IN GOOD JESUS- WHAT THE FUCK?!? FUCKING PIRANHAS! FUCKING PIRANHAS!! FUCKING PIRANHAS!! WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE THE FUCK DID THE OCTOPUS COME FROM?"

Present Day Joseph: "And that's how I got my artificial hand. Good times."

  • And in episode seven

 D'Arby "Do you remember what you were doing August 13th, 1976?"

Avdol "What? How am I supposed remember something so far away?"

D'Arby "Fine, I'll think of a more eventful time for you dut dut duhduhduhdut ah yes, do you remember what you were doing September 11th, 2001?"

Avdol "GO! FUCK YOURSELF!"

D'Arby "Oh, but I DID, good sir! I did fuck myself. And do you know when I did it? 9/11."

  • From episode ten:

 Dio: * tossing a ship* Enjoy your stay on the S.S. Plummet, Jotaro!

Jotaro: That's a boat-* boat crashes into him*

  • "I say he looks like Tarzan / Beats up badguys with his hands / You think I'm crazy, but you don't under... stand."
  • From the epilogue, the Tommy Wiseau alternate reality.

 TW!Jotaro: Oh hai Dio.

TW!Dio: Hey, Jotaro, what's up?

TW!Jotaro: I'm here to defeat you, motherfucker!

TW!Dio: What? Why?

TW!Jotaro: Because you're the one who killed my grandfather...Dio Brando!

TW!Dio: What? That's not true, I did not kill him, that's bullsheeit, I did naaaht!

TW!Jotaro: You are lying to me! YOU'RE TEARING ME APART DIO!!!

TW!Dio: That's me. (Sees Iggy) Hi doggie.

    • Even better when Antfish takes a jab at himself by jumping on that bandwagon.
  • The entire Epilogue is hysterical. Especially the Guy Ritchie alternate reality.

  Narrata': That there's Jotaro Kujo, one'a da' toughest blokes I know! One time, I sawr 'im beat up five guys just for lookin' a' 'im wrong! That there's Dio Brando, one'a da' toughest blokes I know! One time, I sawr 'im beat up five guys just for not lookin' a' 'im wrong!

  Fugo: Huh. Well, this doesn't seem too ba-OH MY GOD THEY SPELL TRASH BACKWARDS!!

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